Nothing But the Rain

sapphic-pink-kryptonite:

One of the most infuriating things about chronic illness (for me) is the lack of planning. I need to point out here that I have both autism and OCD, both of which involve strict planning and organising for my brain to function (somewhat) peacefully.

Let’s disregard (for now) future plans, life goals, milestones, important events, and so on and let’s think short term. 

• “I need to sleep now but it’s too early. If I nap now, will I be able to sleep normally later or will I throw off my sleep cycle that will take days to restore? 
• “I promised X I would help with Y at 9:00am this morning. It’s currently 7:30. I feel like death and I’m waiting for meds to kick in. How close can I cut it with a definite answer while still showing respect and consideration?” 
• “Similarly, this appointment is tomorrow and there’s a -24hr cancellation fee. Will I be able to make it or should I reschedule now and miss out?” 
• “I have to go downstairs to get X, Y, and Z items. I can only carry two items at a time, how can I do the least amount of trips without hurting myself on the stairs?” (Bonus points for figuring this out through fog.)
• “I have X amount of pain medication left before refill, and I’m flaring now but what if I flare again tomorrow?” 
  

Now apply these questions to everything an abled person might take for granted - cooking, laundry, shopping, shower, financial budgeting (including emergency funds for medical care and emergency takeout food so you don’t starve when you can’t cook), socialising, sex, obligations, studying, work, sleep. Then add guilt on top of all of that, worrying you’re not trying hard enough.